Analyze This!

Why I Love You

I have four specific reasons for loving you. First of all, you are gentle; you don't like shouting at others. In addition, you enjoy the same hobbies as I do, that is, reading, listening to rock music, and photography. In the third place, you are intelligent. Finally, I completely admire your long, straight, and black hair. Now I am sure that you are the girl whom I have been looking for here and there, for many, many years.


A Boring Film

Last Saturday night, I saw a boring film at the Empire 21 Theatre. In the film, the actresses and actors over-acted. They laughed and cried, for instance, 'too loudly' or unnaturally. The plot did not run smoothly, either. Almost throughout the show, the scene took place in a small police interrogation room. However, I enjoyed the film very much and was very anxious to follow the whole story. I even said to myself "Well, it's not too bad." What's more, the protagonist, and inexperienced actress, kept talking to the police officer; he interrogated her, as a matter of fact. In short, the film was about a 'chat' between the two. I should add that I did not see any film last Friday evening.

(Both paragraphs are cited from Write Well book-Improving Writing Skills, by Barli Bram).


So, what do you think?

Do you think which paragraph is better? Why? Happy analyzing :)

UPDATE 27 November 2008

I got two responses here. It seems that they hit the mark. I believe that most readers agree that the first paragraph is better than another one. As defined in the book, a paragraph is a group of sentences which contain relevant information about one main or central idea (Write Well-Barli Bram). Relevant information is the keyword. These relevant information support the topic sentence. Therefore, to create a good one, we need to include relevant information and exclude the opposite.

Cheers.
^_^